When in doubt.... whip it out.

LiveJournal sucks. You suck! I suck. We all suck for... suck cream.

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 07:14:29 GMT

Tony the Pimp!

I -knew- I should've worn de-shiner that night! And less lipstick, too.

I do Dragonboating now!

I'm the tiller, which means I'm in the back and spin us around in circles as I try to figure out how the till works.

My promise to LiveJournal: I still care about you.

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 21:44:41 GMT

Dear Journal,

I have decided that I want to write a little bit about my life at least once a week, hopefully twice. It would be nice to have a little online record of my adventures here on Earth - mostly the significant events - but the minor ones would be nice as well.

So hopefully I will keep this up for several months (or even years) and not just crap out after a couple weeks. Only time will tell.

But right now I'm busy at work so I don't have time to write anything good.

This is just the "I swear I'm going to start posting in LiveJournal again!" entry. We'll see!

Yours Truly,
~Tony

Name That Earth Song!

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 00:43:57 GMT

Finally, the Internet has a purpose! Experience the joy everbody's been talking about.

~Tony

Maps are awesome.

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 01:48:19 GMT

Enter your LJ username below, enter the requested info on the next page, then on the map click your continent/country, zoom in (at the bottom, x2 or x4), and click on the map the location where you primarily reside.

Recommended Music of This Entry: Hall & Oates

In my humble yet usually wise opinion, Hall & Oates are underrated and overly made fun of [let alone widely unknown], especially considering they are the #1 selling musical duo..... of all tiiiiiiime! My favorite songs by them are Sara Smile, She's Gone, Private Eyes, Kiss on My List, Rich Girl and Say It Isn't So. Probably their most famous song is Maneater. Listening to almost all of Hall & Oates' greatest hits you'll hear a soothing, satisfying & atmospheric sound, hypnotic yet relaxing, upbeat yet slowly sensual.

We've finally found as many planets in our Solar System as we have fingers.

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 17:40:12 GMT

Headline Ticker Reads: Tenth Planet Found, Only Four Nerds Found Masturbating in Celebration

I just read that scientists recently discovered a 10th planet (article here). They first photographed it in 2003 but it was so small that they didn't have images that captured its motion until July 2005. Right now it's temporarily named 2003 UB313. Committees are currently finding a new, permanent name for it. Scientists aren't sure exactly how big it is (because it's so far away, reflects little light and they aren't sure whether it reflects that amount of light because it is highly reflective, large in size, or some combination of both), but they do know that it is larger than Pluto (but not much larger). That's not saying much, as Pluto is pretty tiny (if you placed Pluto on top of the contiguous 48 United States it would cover about half of them).

At first I was surprised that this didn't make much news. Then I remembered that no one cares much about space anymore. When Pluto was discovered in 1930 there was a lot more fuss about it, same with the other planets' discoveries. There may be many more of these little icy planets in our solar system (tens, hundreds, thousands) that haven't been discovered yet, because they are too tiny. I doubt anyone will really care in the future when more are found. But I do think eventually they'll have to update all those schoolroom diagrams of the Solar System (which are terribly off scale, due to the limiting size of classrooms).

Some astronomers used to theorize that there was an extremely large 10th planet, Planet X. They thought this because it appears as though some large object's gravitational force is pulling on Pluto, perturbing its orbit. There still could exist a Planet X, but it would obviously be the 11th planet now.

Recommended Music of this Entry: "Drive" by the Cars (it took me a year to realize the pun in the title and artist of this song. It's one of my top 3 favorite slow love songs of all time)

[just as another reminder, most of my entries are Friends-only so my acquaintances can't read all the nasty shit I write about them, so if you want to read them all you'll have to ask.... for my LiveJournal Friendship (awwww) -- and I'm just kidding about writing nasty shit about my acquaintances! I write it about family and friends].

Messing with your brain.

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 16:27:02 GMT

First, try following the rotating dot around the circle with just your eyes.
Then try staring only at the black crosshair in the center. (Stare directly at it and concentrate for 10+ seconds).

Try it again. Then try it a third time. Suddenly rabid ponies will appear to jump out of your screen and dust you in a thick cloud of rich, powdery cocaine. Stare at it for 3 minutes straight and pink and green goo will burst out of your eyes! [Note that there is no green in the image, your brain creates it].

Thanks to Deanna (pronounced like the female form of "Dino" - the pet dinosaur on The Flintstones) for the link!

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 16:02:37 GMT

Help!

I don't know what to be for Halloween. I don't have a lot to work with (in terms of costume material). I don't have a lot of money. I don't even have a party lined up to go to.

I want my costume to be more funny than scary.

I don't want to use my imagination, I want someone else to use it for me.

Any suggestions?

Just a reminder...

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 03:01:22 GMT

I made my last several entries viewable only by people on my Friends list, and I'll probably continue to make future entries Friends-only. So if you've been reading but not leaving comments and you're not on my Friends list (but I'm on yours), leave a comment here (soon) and I'll try to add you.

My website shoots other websites in their groins, making bits and bytes spew out of their genitals

Sat, 03 Jul 2004 02:18:21 GMT

(Shameless self promotion -- but I really want people to check it out!)

Last Update Ever!

Thu, 27 May 2004 18:51:54 GMT

I've decided that working on my new website, HUGRap.com, is more important than updating this LiveJournal. So this will be my last, and worst!, entry. It was mostly fun while it lasted but it has worn out its welcome. :)

~Tony

Tony's Quest for Smarterness

Sun, 16 May 2004 09:54:47 GMT

Over the last few years I've come to realize that some people are douchebags. And maybe not everyone thinks of the word "douchebag" the same way I do, so I'll explain further.

Let's take your job for example. [If you don't have one, then you can consider school]. The workplace is a special situation where several people come together and do something they don't want to do. Of course, some people like their job. And some jobs are so cool that everyone likes doing them (eg. quality control analysis for strip clubs). But for the most part, people don't want to be at work.
(Although, they really do want to be there. They want their paycheck. They want a roof over their head, walls around them, a floor beneath their feet, a bed directly beneath their body, covers directly over them, a pillow under their head, lotion sitting next to them on the bed, a box of tissues on the nightstand next to the Marilyn Monroe talking alarm clock and the June 1994 issue of Tight magazine).
And so when -some- people don't want to be at work, they become grumpy. And grumpy people suck, of course. People who don't understand that they:
(1) -chose- to have a job, and
(2) are choosing to be negative whinyheads,
well those people are just bad people. I don't mean bad in the objective sense. I just mean that from your own perspective, your own tunnel vision of the world, (in your own little head), they are bad news. They are the people of whom you steer clear.
What's the solution? Well the easy one is to become that stripper evaluator. But for most people who want to keep their current job, I think I have a better solution. [<-- when I wrote that sentence, I didn't have a better solution. I thought I'd come up with one. But I didn't. So I'll just have to give you my best advice].
I always try to look at the world as though I'm some alien scientist from a highly sophisticated and advanced planet, thousands of years more evolved than Earth. So sometimes I'm sitting in my spaceship at the edge of Earth's atmosphere, chuckling at the miniscule problems of the idiot Earthlings. Even my own problems I try to laugh off sometimes. "How could I be such a petty, sensitive, whiny little schmuck?" Or if someone's being a jerkhead to me, I'll go into alien scientist mode and tell my normal-human-self, "First of all, in one month this negative interaction will mean nothing to you. Also, how does his/her opinion affect you at all, or carry any significance to you?" My alien-scientist-self is my own little personality coach, reminding me that I don't want to spend any minute of my life being unnecessarily upset or frustrated or angry or annoyed or embarassed or fearful. And he's not an arrogant alien, even if he might seem it. He just is wise enough to know that being happy, positive and completely satisfied with your life, mood, day, environment, people you associate with, etc -- is a conscious choice that you actively make inside your brain every day or every hour or every event of your life. He knows that being a cranky little bitch is not the result of the world pissing on you and laughing at you and making fun of you. He knows you're not a helpless victim and he knows not to take any of your pathetic excuses. And he can be YOUR alien scientist personality coach for only $295 a month!!! Imagine, the freedom of knowing when to become happy, knowing how to deal with conflict in your day-to-day life. He's a personal trainer for the muscles... of your psyche.

Unfortunately, he is not available to me every minute of the day. And even when he is, sometimes he is ineffective. That is, sometimes I can't deal with the little problems in my life, or sometimes I deal with them very poorly. But I guess that's just a part of getting older and becoming a niftier person.

~Tony

My Coachella 2004 Road Trip - Part X: The Pictures

Wed, 12 May 2004 06:18:26 GMT

My Coachella 2004 Story!
Part X: The Pictures
As you should know, Clint and I drove down to California for the 2004 Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival (and for the road trip and Southern California vacation). We met up with some friends/new friends, camped, drank, saw bands play great music, drove there/back, etc. Here are some of the pictures we took. I used a disposable camera and then scanned them onto a computer, so the quality isn't top-notch. But the fun and memories which will last 10 years were the toppest notch I have ever notchified.

Slideshow of all my Coachella pictures.
(unfortunately LiveJournal won't let me put the slideshow right here - someone complain for me!)

And coming soon, Part 3: The Actual Festival Itself!
~Tony

Coachella Music Festival Story Part 2

Wed, 05 May 2004 06:28:33 GMT

My Coachella 2004 Story!
Part 2: The Drive Back
Clint and I drove down to California (see previous entry), we camped there for 3 nights with some friends, then drove back. This is the story of the trip back to Portland.

Sometimes I Rap Too Hard (Monday, May 3rd, 2004 to Tuesday)
I'm back in Portland. We got here at around 9am, and we left Coachella at 11am the previous day. So it took 20 hours to drive back and only 16 hours to get there. I shall tell you the reason for that now.
The three friends with whom we camped drove back with us. (Three of their friends also camped with us, but drove back ahead of us). Then in Pasadena we switched two people around to different cars for shits, giggles and fraggle rock. Several hours later we got separated, and our cell phone died so we couldn't meet up. Around 6pm in northern CA we were doing around 90mph on I-5 (some times everyone on the freeway drives 90, even semis and minivans!) -- and at the same time we were hardcore underground rapping -- and we rapped so hard that the tire exploded. Some people think that the extreme heat and high speeds caused it to just fuck itself up and become flat, but they sadly don't believe in the power of rap. Anyway, it took us 2-3 hours to put on the spare, drive 55mph to Bakersfield, find a place that would fix it right away instead of in 1.5 hours, get gas/food/drinks and get back on the freeway.

Stopped by a Cop (Tuesday)
Several hours after the flat tire incident, we pulled into a gas station. I couldn't find my wallet, which was our only source of money. A cop pulled in behind us -- with his police car red blue you're-in-trouble lights off -- then he shined his bright spotlight in my rear window. We started to get out of the car to pump gas and he said "Can you stay in the car please." I thought to myself "Oh gosh darn geewilliger fucking shit, what did we do wrong?"
He came up to my window and said "Let me tell you why I'm stopping you first. A car matching this description was reported to be involved in a home burglary incident."
I said "A blue Kia Spectra?"
He said "It was purple, but I couldn't tell what color yours is. And you guys don't match the description of the suspects."
I said "Man you made me nervous!"
He said "Yeah don't worry I just had to stop you and make sure."
I said "Hope you go catch them!"
That cop was so awesome! He was nice, and not on a power trip at all, and he was completely friendly. I guess that's because we hadn't done anything illegal. I'm usually used to talking to cops after committing crimes or almost committing a crime or doing something that people think should be a crime (ie. Michigan story).
(P.S. Right after the cop left I found my wallet! Yay!)

Next time I have an hour or two free I'll write about the actual camping and festival itself. Also, I'll soon [hopefully] have mp3s of the rap songs we did while driving there and back.

~Tony

Southern California has more hispanics than Hispania.

Sat, 01 May 2004 02:44:14 GMT

My Coachella 2004 Story!
Part 1: Getting to Los Angeles
I'm in Los Angeles with Clint -- I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! I actually think I'm going to lose control and I just might like it. And by lose control I mean of my bowels.

We're here with some friends.... well, like, pseudo friends. You know, the kind you meet at a party and see here & there. But then they turn you into a pothead and laugh in your face because you're a loser. Actually that's not true at all.

Clint and I drove down here, we left Portland at around 4am and got to L.A. at around 6:30pm. Even with seven-lane freeways they still have craploads of traffic. But we just blast up Michael Jackson and rap to people with their windows down.

We recorded some stuff in the car and hopefully we'll record some stuff on the way back and hopefully I'll put it on the net.

~Tony

New job (kinda) and website coming hopefully maybe

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 00:51:44 GMT

I'm 99% sure that I got the job at a different Domino's. It's on Capital Hwy. in Mt. Park (near the intersection of Capital and Barbur). Hopefully I'll be delivering to rich hot lonely women in their 30s who have always had the pizza delivery boy fantasy. You know the one -- where she gives the pizza boy a $20 tip then lets him quickly have sex with her 18-year-old daughter in the broom closet before Mr. Mitchell comes home. Also, I should be making many more deliveries per hour because I don't have to go up and down any elevators (which is the worst time-waster in downtown). And parking is much easier, traffic is lighter, there are no secured buildings to worry about, people are richer (sorry to the poor - but I'm one of you and I don't want to be). And more deliveries equals more tips and more tips equals more money and more money equals less poorness.

I am thinking of starting the website HUGRap.com, which, of course, stands for Hardcore Underground Gangsta Rap (dot com). I made a little template to see kinda what it would/should look like. It's now at philandtony.com/hugrap.

I think only the first link works. The rest are just there for appearances. I should be updating it soon.

~Tony

Tony's Random Sentence Generator (in its early stages)

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 15:38:29 GMT

About four years ago, (or maybe five or three, I have a bad long term memory), I made a random sentence generator. It used several lists of words to come up with random sentences. And because I was an immature teenager, I used scatological [potty mouth!] words. At the time, many of the sentences were quite hilarious to me and my online buddies. Unfortunately, I lost that sentence generator, so I thought I'd make a new one. This time, I made it a website so everyone can use it... yay! And this time, because I'm 21 and much more mature, I decided to use even more toilet humor in the word lists!

Here's the link: http://www.philandtony.com/random

I'd like to add more words and more types of sentences (currently there is only one kind of sentence structure). Also, right now the sentences come out grammatically correct, but they don't always make much sense. Although, I guess that's what makes some of them kinda funny.

~Tony

P.S. I made two new songs. They were both supposed to be scary. And I only spent about an hour on each so they aren't monumental or anything.

The first is called "Scary EPiano Song That Gets Faster and Faster" (which starts out decent then becomes more and more crappy towards the end as I lost the patience to carefully place each note).

The second is called "Fuckin Awesome Basketball Song" because to me it sounded somewhat like the songs they play towards the end of basketball games.

White Chipmunk Rapping Part 1

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 04:37:02 GMT

I know a couple of chipmunks. They are white and they like to rap. I recorded them freestyle rapping to a beat that they made. That means that they wrote a beat, then they started rapping to it, making up all the words and rhymes on the spot. Nothing was written out. That's why it's not really great.

But it's entertaining because they are pretty good!

White Chipmunk Rap - Spongebob and Rough Sex.mp3 (1.9MB / 4:07)
(Warning: Contains explicit lyrics, including bad words!!)

If you have sound wave editing software, and you change the speed by 67%, they sound exactly like humans. In fact they sound a lot like me and a friend of mine. But they are really chipmunks!!

~Tony

Attack of the Harmless Bird

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 16:37:52 GMT

I suddenly realized that I don't need to put tons of thought into writing an entry, that I don't need to have a brilliant idea about which to write, that I don't need to spend lots of energy entertaining only handful of people, just to make this journal worthwhile. It came to me, an epiphany wrapped in a dream, filled with the sweet, tangy sauce of discovery, sitting next to a cup full of warm, welcome, sparkling realization. Then I ate that epiphany and I drank that realization. I was full and decided to write the most thought-filled, brilliant idea-inspired, energetically driven entry. When I was done, my computer crashed and I lost it. So you'll have to read the following entry that I spewed out in 20 minutes.

I was delivering a pizza inside an apartment building the other day. After I got the money and the customer closed the door, a door down the hall opened and a small blue bird (a bird that's blue, not a bluebird) came flying out. I thought to myself, interesting, someone's bird escaped from its owner's enslavement and is trying to escape [I'm not a big fan of owning pets]. The next thing I thought was, Oh shit, this bird is flying right at my head, for it was. So I ducked, and it whizzed right past me. Its owner, a good looking Spanish woman in her early twenties, came out with a half-worried half-sorry look on her face. The bird stopped, turned around, and flew right back at me. This time its aim was spot-on, and it hit me right in the side. Anyone who has known me for more than a couple months probably knows what I did. I freaked out like a little girl. I don't want birds hitting me, even if they are harmless little creatures. I unfortunately picked up this trait from my mother. So the woman, seeing my unfounded fear, tried to calm me down (and the bird at the same time): "Come here Yave, no Yave! [to the bird] It's okay, don't worry, I'm sorry [to me]." This is where it gets even more strange, and unfortunately more unbelievable to the skeptical person (I wish I had videotaped this, but you'll just have to trust me). The bird made another pass at me, and this time it landed right on my back. I could do nothing but stand there and wait, for I wasn't in the mood to reach around and grab it off me, and I wasn't in the mood to drive back to Domino's with a bird on my back. I could've called myself the Pizza Pirate, but my boss wouldn't enjoy that too much. Here's where the story took a little turn for the better, a little turn for the sexier. I was kind of bending over to keep this bird on my back (don't ask me why I didn't just stand straight up and try to get it to fall off me -- maybe I didn't want it flying around and attacking me anymore). She was standing right in front of me, trying to get little Yave off me. So now I was staring right at the midriff section of this attractive Spanish chick -- attractive even if she did own a violent killer bird. I cared a little less that Yave was chillin' out on my back. Then she said "Hold on a second" and she started to take off her jacket. I thought quickly to myself, Her bird's being a little annoying piece of crap to me, I doubt she'll be offended and call my boss to complain if I hit on her in some perverted way, now that she's taking off her jacket. So I said to her, "Hey if you have to get naked to get this bird off me then go ahead!" She laughed, but unfortunately she only used the jacket to sweep the bird on the floor, then cover it up. She apologized again and I said it was okay, and that at least it's a good story to tell.

I got back to the store and told it to my boss, who is normally a quite serious-minded man of few words. He said "It pecked your face out didn't it? Yeah I can see it did, pecked that shit right out!" And, knowing my boss, that was a pretty funny thing to hear. Now I'm quitting and moving to a different store. [That's actually true, but for different reasons -- not because my boss said a bird pecked my face out].

~Tony

Fun and Stuff

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 05:23:07 GMT

Basketball and Partying: The Passions of Testosterone
For the last week or so I've had some semblance of an exciting life. It's neat.

I went to a Blazers-Clippers game on Wednesday (Mar 24 '04) with Matt N. My mom had won tickets from her company and gave them to me. They were pretty sweet, 14 rows up from courtside. So close, you could smell the Blazer dancers. Or maybe that was just Matt's perfume. The Blazers came from behind within the last 2 minutes to win the game in an exciting finish. We ate licorice and crackerjacks. We felt important.

Then afterwards Matt and I organized an emergency party at my house. That was cool, too. It was pretty small, 12 people total, but that's probably the best number for my place. We mostly played drinking games. I videotaped a little of it, and hopefully I'll find the will to upload it to the net soon so everyone can experience the fun and joy of getting drunk at my house!

Lock Your Car Doors Folks, Prohibition is Over
Last night (Fri Mar 24) at work I walked out of Domino's to make a couple of deliveries. I walked over to my car and saw some guy sitting in the driver's seat. He was wearing an expensive-looking white sweater, had short dark hair and slightly tan/olive-colored skin. He was slumped over, facing away from me. The first thing I thought was "Is this my car??" So I checked, and it was definitely mine. Then I thought "Maybe it's Clint [a friend I work with] playing some prank" (even though it didn't look at all like Clint). So I said "Hey" and he grunted and turned a bit and I saw it was just some strange guy, half passed out, half sleeping. So I went back in the store to my boss (this big bad-ass dude) and told him "Some guy is sleeping in my car, I think he's drunk." So he went out to my car, opened the door and said "Hey chief, you're in the wrong car." The guy fumbled around a lot to try to get out of the car. He finally opened the door, got out, and fell right into me and the car. Then he started walking away, stumbling and swerving quite a bit. My boss and I were just staring at him, half-frowning and half-smiling in puzzlement and amusement. The whole thing was odd and disconcerting, but I feel safe now with my new taser, pepper spray, and Ruffies immunity pills.

~Tony

The Magic Hippy and the Leprechaun

Fri, 19 Mar 2004 04:22:52 GMT

I just noticed that my journal updating has become sparse, and that worried me. But lately I haven't been feeling journally 'cause I was sick, and then I got pinkeye. [All my previous knowledge of pinkeye (aka conjunctivitis) came from South Park, so I feared that I'd start eating human flesh and sing love songs with black cooks, but it turned out to be a much more benign condition]. And now my life is pretty boring, so I have no interesting stories. So I'll make one up.

I was walking downtown the other day, quite cheerfully. Presently I happened upon a hippy. But this seemed to be an unusually sad-looking hippy. (Most hippies look happy on the outside, but are secretly depressed on the inside, because not very many other people are hippies, and so they feel lonely and always question their non-conformism). Normally I'd fantasize about spitting on the hippy and angrily challenge his audacity for not acting the way George Bush wants him to act. But I was in a particularly good mood. So I decided to Pretend-Befriend him, gain his confidence, then take advantage of him for money or drugs.

"Hey" I called.
"Hey" he replied, looking up at me wearily.
But then I chickened out and started walking away. Besides I felt like getting a burrito anyway.
About halfway through the burrito, I saw a piece of paper, fortune cookie paper size, wrapped around a chunk of chicken.
"Nasty!" I thought, and threw the burrito at a nearby tree. Now obviously I am too important of a person to waste my time getting a refund. The next part of the story I am not in, but I was told it later.
The burrito splattered against the tree trunk, fell down a secret little spider hole, and landed on a sleeping leprechaun's head. He discovered and read the piece of paper: "Wanted to spit on me ey? Too bad for you I'm a magic hippy, and this burrito is equipped with a spy camera. Sucker."

I thought I looked especially contemplative in this picture, even though I was actually thinking about the next Pringle dipped in ranch I was about to eat.

A minute after I threw the burrito, I noticed a commotion in the park blocks near PSU. I turned to see the hippy chasing a little green man amongst the trees and benches and garbage cans.
"Thought you could disguise yourself as a leprechaun ey?" the hippy yelled crazily.
But little did the hippy know, this leprechaun really was a real leprechaun. (For clarity's sake, his name is O'Tool and the hippy's name is Bogby). O'Tool cast a spell on Bogby which made him super sleepy. He awoke three days later in my house, with severe memory loss. I was nursing him back to health, spoon-feeding him scrumptious cream of potato soup. O'Tool was playing Nintendo 64 (Pilotwings!), and suddenly exclaimed,
"Dude! We should all start a band!"
"Totally" Bogby replied excitedly.
"Like maybe a Bjork tribute band!" I chimed in.
"We can call ourselves Spjork." Bogby exclaimed.
So that's how we started our band.

Dear Diary, how come you never write back you wretched beast??

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 12:34:33 GMT

I've been sick the last five days so I haven't really felt like updating this livejournal. Maybe if I start with "Dear Diary" and pretend I'm one of those TV characters who writes to their diary as though it were a close friend, maybe then I'll be able to write something worthwhile.

Dear Diary,
What's up? Not much here. Just chillin'. I started reading a new book yesterday. It's called "How to Succeed with Women." The title is slightly misleading: the word "Succeed" is defined by the average horny man. An even more honest title would be: "How to Have a Constant Stream of Women in Your Life With Whom You Can Have Sex." It's not really a Male Chauvinist Pig Guidebook though. It sincerely teaches men to meet and seduce women. But constantly while reading it I'll think to myself "Ehhhhh I already know this stuff!" Then I [grudgingly] think, "Well then how come I don't have many women I can choose from to call and go on a date with, end up at their place and have lots of sex with?" Then I [impatiently] respond to myself, "Because I'm too lazy to go meet them; I'd rather lay here and read this book." Then I [as-a-matter-of-factly] retort: "Well what's the point in reading a book like this if you're too lazy to try out its techniques and suggestions?" Then I [angrily] punch myself in the face, then call the cops on myself. That's why I'm writing this entry from within a mental institution.

I actually did practice hitting on a woman today. I was at Lloyd Center with a couple of friends. We walked towards a pretzel place 'cause my friends wanted to buy something there. I saw this pretty blonde girl standing in line, smiled at her, and she smiled back at me. We were standing in line behind her. I had brought the book "How to Succeed with Women" with me to show my friend who was interested in it. I walked up to the girl and said "Hi, I'm reading this book [short pause for her to read the title], and I was wondering if I could practice hitting on you." She laughed and said sure. I paused, having absolutely nothing to say. I finally said "Actually, I've only read the introduction. So I have no idea what to do." She laughed nervously and said wearily "Well I've had a trying day with school." I said, with some compassion, "Where do you go to school?" She said "Mt. Hood." I said "I ski there." She didn't laugh. I thought it was funny. She said "Any other day and I'd say yes." I almost wanted to say "Well give me your number and I'll call you any other day," but somehow I felt like I'd rather date a girl who would respond differently to how I'd hit on her. So I just said "Okay" and stopped talking to her. Of course, in that instance I had kind of made hitting on her with the book a joke, and doubted she would find it seductive in the first place. But I know I'd like a girl who'd appreciate being hit on in that way. And I don't mind continuing my endless search for her, my fair and wonderful lady whom I haven't even laid eyes upon. I'll travel to the far reaches of the world to find her. I'll search the very depths of my soul for the inspiration to locate her. But first I think I'll try Google.

Well, Diary, thanks for listening.
~Tony

This is better than a survey because it consists of answers only.

Sat, 28 Feb 2004 13:46:49 GMT

Instructions:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
I got mine from Mandi (with an i, dude.. don't forget the i, and don't make me regulate!).

01. I am 21 years old
02. I have been living in (or very near!) Portland, OR for most of my life. (SW Wash. for the other 2/5ths of my life)
03. I am more productive and less depressed now than I was anywhere else I lived

04. I have spent too many hours of my life playing video games than can be justified.
05. The recurrent themes of my life are loneliness, positivity, and self improvement.
06. I have had a conversation with my dad about him fighting off an attempted rape during a 90-day prison sentence on drug charges in the '70s.

07. I like mid-summer for the pure bright mood it puts most people in, and the lack of clothes girls wear.

08. I speak pig-latin semi-fluently.
09. I am the middle child of three children.
10. But I have only one full brother/sibling.

11. I have never taken anything to a dry cleaner, and I often question their necessity, but then I say to myself "If I was a woman I would understand."
12. When something physically takes me by surprise, I consciously monitor my reaction in real-time and try to choose the response that will least make me look like a big doofus, although I rarely have enough time to successfully do so. When something verbally takes me by surprise, I try to pause and think about the best response because those are usually critical moments.
13. I used to paint my fingernails black or blue, or I'd paint my thumb green and call myself a green-thumb and think I was hilarious, but people take it as though I'm trying to non-conform, or they automatically assume things or judge me, and although I don't befriend that type of person I kind of have to associate with them so I just avoid the hassle by leaving my nails the natural peachy skin color.
14. My favorite place in the whole world will probably be replaced by a new place once I obtain the time/money to see the other half of the world.

15. I seldomly enjoy cleaning -- only when I somehow find myself in a rare ultra cleaning mood, or when my room is super messy and a beautiful girl is going to come over that night, will I enjoy cleaning (and I really do enjoy it a lot -- like adrenaline hyperactive funtime cleaning).

16. In the last 3 years, I've spoken not nearly enough to my father. We love each other but due to circumstances mostly beyond our control (divorce, him working a lot to support an a-hole step family, college), we never developed a close relationship, which is sad -- but not depressing because I know there's still time and I have a much better relationship with him than most people do with their fathers so I shouldn't whine. And I should avoid run-on sentences even in these whacky chain-survey-things.
17. I love rollercoasters, but I have never been comfortable screaming on them and I feel that detracts from my enjoyment. I'd rather think about why it's fun.
18. My first girlfriend's name is generally considered a boy's name: Daryl. But after knowing her when I hear the name Daryl I think of a girl -- unlike most people who think of a little black boy.
19. I know too well how to be single, I don't know how to meet girls. They are so snobby and taken and pretentious and whiny and they smell so good and when they shave their legs it's like candy apples and they have pretty voices.
20. I am utterly grateful for how lucky I've been. I just have to think of anyone born into extreme poverty with far less chance of creating a successful life in this world. I never feel guilty, though. I didn't choose my life and if I could choose to restart my life I'd pick the same exact one.

21. I have a lot to learn. I love to learn new things.
22. I think it's impolite to make fun of someones favorite tunes, but it's okay to say why you don't like them.
23. I think some eye contact is important, but forcing it can be uncomfortable or unnecessary.
24. I like to eat whatever tastes good. I think the lastest low-carb, Atkins diet fad is highly commercialized, slightly annoying, and shows how weight-crazed the United States is. Carbohydrates are not evil, fat is not evil, calories are not evil -- consuming more than your body converts into energy is what causes fat buildup. I guess as a thin person I shouldn't be talking though! :)

25. I try to turn angst into motivation, so it goes to my eyes as they widen in anticipation of striving for success.
26. I pride myself on my ability to make people laugh, and my upbeat mentality.
27. I don't know what most people think of me, they rarely voice their true opinions openly.
28. I have had jobs off and on since I was 16. For 1 or 2 years I had no job and "lived" off college loans (at home with mommy).
29. I own 10 or so CDs here or there, a couple tapes strewn about, and one LP record that Dina gave to me, which is by far the best of my album collection. I'm an mp3 boy and I make my own CDs of various artists/genres. The first CD I ever bought was Usher's "My Way," then the greatest hits of Guns 'n' Roses just for the song "Live and Let Die."
30. I never wear slippers, I hate not wearing socks, I don't like my feet, they don't like me.
31. I have never been formally introduced to the public, and it is long overdue. I wish my daddy had a radio show.
32. Gee whiz I don't have any stories that rival what Mandi had here. Now I feel like I haven't lived enough! Well.. I have been to jail for one night then released the next morning because it turns out I actually didn't rape her. But they had to interrogate her for 2 hours to find out if she really did consent or not, even though she said she did from the very beginning.

33. I've never been to outer space! but I reeeeeally wanna go.

34. Other boys don't bother me. I get along with roughly 80% of guys. I have noticed an oddly large percentage of girls who say "I'm the type of girl who doesn't get along with other girls" -- and I sense that they consider that to be rare. Maybe that's because I happen to meet a lot of those types of girls.

35. I am strangely unsatisfied with most of my friends and I fear I am partially to blame.
36. I think I have made a lot of new friends over the last year. I have always fantasized about all of my ex-girlfriends sitting in a room talking about me. Then either I walk into the room, or I move on to my fantasy about Dick Clark giving Anna Kournikova a massage using cottage cheese as lotion.

37. I love any pen that works.
38. I am always trying to use all of my brain, and I thoroughly hate the over-stated "fact" that humans only use 10% of their brain.
39. I think only a rare breed of human would be able to get along with me as a roommate. But I think I'd be pretty cool to live with as a romantic partner (<<< that sounds so... '90s).

40. I don't know the instant I meet someone whether or not he or she will be my friend.
41. I plan my days so I can sleep 9-12 hours a night, so I rarely use alarm clocks.
42. When I was in college I felt important. Then I realized that's because I was paying thousands of dollars to learn. Now I want to learn on my own for free but whenever I have free time I always feel like hanging out with friends or watching a movie or playing video games or doing computery/internetty stuff -- all of which is sadly not intellectual.

43. I have a cell phone and find it highly useful and convenient.
44. Though I am a generally sweet and easy-going person, I am not in the least bit innocent, but I think Mandi is. ;)
45. I don't know anyone from my elementary school, I have a very vague memory of those years, and I envy greatly anyone who does know people from / have many memories of elem. school.
46. Laziness, procrastination, and an inability to change/adapt quickly and drastically are my three biggest weaknesses and obstacles.
47. The responsibility of being a parent seems like it would be crushing.
48. The weirdest place I have ever slept is on a washer and dryer.
49. I don't like haunted houses.
50. I call all animals by masculine pronouns.
51. Group sex intrigues me.
52. I have been solicited for sex by both sexes, and a few different races.
53. I love to find money in my coat pocket.
54. I know exactly what I'm looking for.
55. I enjoy writing.
56. I take great satisfaction in taking control and achieving my goals.
57. Dress however you want. I dress to look good, but always comfortably, except in a suit.
58. I routinely get intoxicated, with... anyone who will let me.
59. I try to understand that people do the things they do because behavior is a product of their life history. They usually don't analyze daily rituals and decide if they are a good idea -- they do them because they were taught and/or conditioned to do them.
60. I believe that love and fate are just words, and the feelings and/or concepts they generally refer to differ greatly amongst different people. For me, love is a strong emotional, mental and social attachment or bond between me and someone else. As for fate -- I have a realist/concrete/scientific mind and fate is far too loaded and abstract to fit in my model of how reality operates (or more accurately, how I perceive reality).
61. I sometimes catch myself wondering why someone would not love me.
62. Sadly I'm an emotionless sack of shit (a man) and so there's no difference between my head and my heart.
63. Christmas is my favorite holiday: I really do love the commercialism of it. It somehow manages to bring the society of the United States of America together.
64. I'd like a high-paying job doing what I love.
65. I've never heard a punk remix I like. They speed up the song too much, their voices sound nasally, and they generally lose much of the emotion of the original song. However, this applies to classic rock and '80s songs, and I always hear the original first which greatly affects my opinion.
66. Super buttery popcorn is the best popcorn.
67. Snobs and dogmatists are annoying -- but we have to remember that their ignorance is blind and they are generally unaware of why they are annoying.
68. The word "soulmate" bothers me. I don't believe in souls and I don't believe in fate. I believe that many people can learn how to get along with many other people, and that love is two people who have learned to coexist peacefully with one another.
69. My dream job would be stand-up comedian, comedic actor, comedic musician, or comedic video game programmer, or just video game programmer.
70. Sometimes I need a day where I can do whatever I want, and I feel free.
71. I always fall for girls who praise me.
72. I need to live near water.
73. I am drawn to intellect and humor.
74. Sometimes I procrastinate a lot, sometimes I start a task with a lot of enthusiasm then I don't finish it, sometimes I start and finish a task.
75. I find humble satisfaction in other people's "flaws."
76. Without pain and low-points the pleasure and highs wouldn't be nearly as sweet, of course.
77. To stay satisfied, I need music within reach at all times.
78. Would people be better off with "perfect" parents? Once you hit a certain point in life you gain the ability to control your own future.
79. If you analyze life enough, you should probably come up with something useful.
80. A lifetime is molded constantly by everything that happens during it.
81. I never fear repeating mistakes of the past. I fear not learning from future mistakes.
82. My mother taught me patience. I learned to read when everyone else did. I wish I was better at karaoke. I can sing just fine in the shower or my car by myself, why not on a microphone in front of lots of people?
83. I will probably never do a self portrait.
84. There are many ways to get somewhere. Sometimes starting is the hardest part.
85. 70-80% of people get along with me. I always think it's the other 30%'s fault that they don't.
86. When in doubt, whip it out. Hesitance and inaction will be regretted later.
87. Annoying people annoy me.
88. I'm not as clever as I think I am. I always replay those moments in my head.
89. I love my parents. I feel my mother has been endlessly patient, loving, caring and giving. And my father has done the best he can.
90. My number one aim in life is to be satisfied with all my decisions and surroundings and relationships.
91. I think importance is highly subjective. Humans are animals. Animals are just squishy rocks that move and make sound. Souls, consciousness, sanctity, the mind, spirituality, and life are all ideas that humans have made up so reality doesn't depress them. There is nothing special or magical about life or thought or emotion. The very idea of "specialness" or "magic" is completely undefined, undefinable, vague and abstract. Children believe in what they are taught by their parents, teachers, religious figures, mentors, friends, the media and the government. Then when they grow up most of them hold on to these beliefs because they are nice and cuddly. Even if they do question these beliefs they rarely let go of them because they do not want to believe that they are not special, that life is not magical, and that they are not going to die and be gone forever.
92. I wish I had a job that kept my bank account above near-zero.
93. Melancholy music seldomly makes me feel better.
94. The ability to change is man's greatest asset.
95. Shoes are not too important to me, but I would not want to go without them.
96. I never think I'm psychic.
97. I prefer my cell phone for most communication.
98. I like machines to wash and dry my clothes. Who's gonna invent a clothes-folder?
99. I am not too sentimental. Maybe I don't have enough emotion in my life.
100. I think this was fun, and the answers depend highly on what mood you're in.

Songs You Listen to While Listening to Music

Wed, 25 Feb 2004 23:44:47 GMT

In need of some new music to listen to? I always am. -- Why do many of my entries start out sounding like infomercials? I'll just get right to the recommendations. If you don't like music made before 1990 you probably won't like most of this music.

Songs You Listen To On Drugs
"The Crystal Ship" by the Doors (probably good for suicidal folks, too)
"Hocus Pocus" by Focus (good when you're high, esp. the end)
"25 or 6 to 4" by Chicago
"I'm the Only Gay Eskimo" or "Fuck Her Gently" or "Inward Singing" by Tenacious D

Trippy/Laid-Back/Relaxing/Moody/Atmospheric Songs
"All I Need" by Air
"Black Magic Woman" by Santana
"Green-Eyed Lady" by Sugarloaf
"Come Undone" by Duran Duran

Songs You Listen to When You Want to Take Over the World
"Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears
"I'd Love to Change the World" by Ten Years After
"Incense and Peppermints" by Strawberry Alarm Clock

Feel-Good Songs That Make You Want to Stop Being a Loser
"September" by Earth, Wind & Fire
"Do Your Thing" by Basement Jaxx

Simple Love Songs
"Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton
"These Eyes" by the Guess Who

Techno/Electronic Songs That Actually Are Fun to Listen to
"Children 2000" by Robert Miles (I think--trance remix by someone? never can be too sure w/techno)
"Touch Me" by Sharon Philips (very long intro and ending but otherwise good)
"Silence" by Delirium (remix of the Sarah McLachlan song)
"Born Too Slow" by Crystal Method

I included some bands that are going to be at the Coachella music festival</font> because I just bought my ticket and I'm excited about going! That and they are good songs.
~Tony

make your computer sexy

Mon, 23 Feb 2004 08:30:59 GMT

Okay judging by the number of comments on the previous entry, not neeeearly enough people downloaded Elasto Mania! Seriously, you're missing out.

I recently screwed around with the appearance of my desktop, and it turned out looking pretty sweet in my opinion. So if you're unsatisfied with the way Windows looks on your computer, I have some help.

Desktop screenshots: 1280x1024 1024x768 800x600
(I prefer 1280x1024)
OS: Windows XP
Background: blackholebg.jpg
Winamp 5 skin: MMD3 (silver2 | darkblue color theme)
For the theme/skin/look of XP, I'm using StyleXP, with the CoughDrop theme (which is built-in, and I think the theme doesn't matter), and the Zion visual style.

My desktop made me so horny that I masturbated and fell asleep.

I got rid of all desktop icons, including the recycle bin by using TweakUI (which is awesome, it's one of Microsoft's PowerToys). And I didn't feel like taking screenshots of them but the window titlebars and the start menu look pretty rad with the Zion visual style.

Now I feel like a big computer nerd. But you know, when Windows looks really good (it's so stylish that it doesn't even look like Windows anymore), I feel like being more creative and productive.

~Tony

Get ready for the best computer game ever!

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 03:20:27 GMT

I feel I am about to enrich your life forever by providing the following information. Unfortunately, I may also be the only person who feels so.

Elasto Mania
Imagine: Evil Knievel meets the Mario Bros., then they meet a tweaker named Isaac Newton who screws up the laws of physics. That's Elasto Mania! I feel screenshots will better explain it:

You can hang from... the ground, I guess you'd call it.

You can change the appearance of the game (this cemetery one is sweet!) by downloading files other users create. Download them here, unzip, rename to Default.lgr and move it to your lgr folder in the Elasto Mania game directory.

So you drive around on your motorcycle, eat every apple then touch the flower to beat the level (just like in REAL life!). Even though it was modeled on real physics, Elasto Mania has some quirky, silly representations of reality. And perhaps the best part is that it doesn't rely on realistic 3D graphics that take too long to load and detract from interesting, puzzling gameplay.

As for the controls, the UP arrow is gas/acceleration, DOWN is wheel lock, LEFT is rotate forward (the direction you are facing), RIGHT is rotate backward, and SPACEBAR is turn around. Your head or wheels have to touch the apples/flower, and if your head touches the ground you die. (And at the first Elasto Mania logo screen press spacebar to continue to the game menu).

You can download the demo here: elma.exe (1.1MB)
The demo still has a lot of levels and is tons o' fun. If you want the full version ask me.
As a side side side side note, Elasto Mania used to be called Action Supercross. It was called Across for short. And that's where I got the name Acrosser (hey, I was 15 so leave me alone!). I loved the game so much I even made a website about it!

So if you're bored and in need of the best thing to ever happen to you ever, download and play the game!
~Tony